I'm Only Holding On By A Thin, Thin Thread
by aims2009
Summary: In this fanfic every chapter will be related to a song somehow, so each chapter is going to be different.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own anything! **

Music was playing over the speakers in the living room and the bottle of scotch was sitting on the coffee table. The music that was playing wasn't quite loud enough to drown out the noise of that rain and she was ok with that. Catherine sat on her couch, with what was her second glass of scotch, and wondered how things had gotten so messed up between her and Jackie. Just a few short weeks ago they had both been sitting on that very same couch talking and laughing about something funny that happened during class. Things had been going so well for Catherine and Jackie. After they had met, they quickly fell into a comfortable groove and spent as much time as possible together. Things were going so well for the two of them, but there was always a nagging feeling in the back of Catherine's mind that something was going to happen. At the beginning of their relationship she had asked Jackie if she was scared about being together. Even though Catherine insisted that everything was going to be fine and nothing would happen, there was always a part of her that didn't believe her own words. She wasn't worried about being found out by the school and losing her job, she was worried that Jackie would get bored of her and move on. So when Jackie told her about the possible acting job back in L.A., Catherine tried to hide her jealousy. Unfortunately, she didn't do a very good job trying to hide it. She had been with other students, but the truth was Jackie was different. She wanted to spend every waking minute with her. She had to forcer herself not to look at her during class, it was so hard not to get lost in her gaze while she was teaching. Jackie brought this other side of Catherine that most people didn't get to see, it was this fun and carefree side.

She finished what was left of her glass and poured another. She brought the glass to her head, it felt cool to the touch and she closed her eyes as a single tear fell down her check. Maybe if she tried hard enough she could turn back time and say things she wanted to and take back other hurtful things that she had said. As she was sat on the couch with Ethan curled up next to her a song started playing that made her cry even more.

"_Man it's been a long day  
Stuck thinking bout it  
Driving on the freeway  
Wonderin if I really  
Tried everything I could  
Not knowing if I should  
Try a little a harder_

Oh but I'm scared to death  
That there may not be  
Another one like this

And I confess  
That I'm only holding on  
By a thin thin thread"

Truer words had never been spoken. Since Jackie had walked out of her house just a few short days ago, all she could think about was what she could have done or should have done. She didn't want to come between Jackie and her career, but maybe they could have worked something out. Jackie was worth whatever they had to go through to be together. Not a minute went by that she didn't regret saying that she wasn't worth it. They had both said things out of anger that night after the party, but Catherine deeply regretted saying, "maybe I don't think you're worth it." The second those words slipped out of her mouth she felt awful.

"_I'm kickin the curb  
Cause you never heard  
The words that you needed so bad  
And I'm kickin the dirt cause I never gave you  
The things that you needed to have  
I'm so sad... sad_

Man it's been a long night  
Just sittin' here  
Trying not to look back  
Still looking at the  
Road we never drove on  
And wonderin if the one  
I chose was the right one"

Jackie asked her if she was different and Catherine wanted to jump and scream and say YES, but she was scared to let herself go there. She never let anyone else spend the night and she certainly never would have let anyone else take her flying. Catherine had no problem talking to Jackie while she was sleeping, and now she wishes she would have. She told Jackie she loved her and that she loved spending time with her. Looking back on the last few months she couldn't remember making that same comment to her while she was awake and she knew she should have.

"_Oh but I'm scared to death  
That there may not be  
Another one like this_

And I confess  
That I'm only holding on  
By a thin thin thread"

Catherine finished her glass of scotch and put the glass back on the coffee table. She should go to bed, but the thought of being in her bed and not seeing Jackie curled up next to her, was such a depressing feeling. She had been sleeping on the couch for the last few nights because every time she saw her bed, she thought of Jackie and ached to be with her. She put her head on the back of the couch and didn't even try to stop the flow of tears. She had screwed up and would do anything to get back the one person she ever truly cared about.

Ok, so I just watched this movie the other day and I can't get it out of my head. They ending of the movie really bugged me! I thought about writing a different one, but I heard this song the other day and I just had to write something. Not sure if I'll keep this one going or not. I might just start a new one. Anyway, let me know what you think!

The song is called Sad by Maroon 5. I don't own it.


	2. Run

**I don't own ANYTHING! **

**Run.**

Jackie finally finished her last class of the day. It had been a long day and she was very thankful when she was walking out of her last class. She was used to having a pretty busy schedule, but she was starting to second guess the workload she had. Taking six classes didn't seem so hard on paper, but by the end of the third week of school she was already exhausted. As she walked back to her dorm she considered dropping one class just to lighten the school load a bit. She liked most of her teachers though, so she wasn't sure what class to drop. When she got to her dorm she changed into her workout clothes and decided to go to the gym. However, on her way to the gym she couldn't stop thinking about her classes and decided to stop in to talk to one of her professors. It was almost 5pm and she wasn't even sure if her professor would be in her office. When she walked up to the door she saw her professor come out of the office. Jackie quickly changed her mind and thought it would be best to just try again another day. As she was walking away she heard, "Psych 210, Tuesdays and Thursdays right?" Jackie stopped and turned around facing the professor, "Uh, yeah. Sorry I saw that you were leaving and I didn't want to bother you. I'll come back another day." Jackie started to walk away when the professor started talking again, "I was just leaving early because none of my students bothered using my office hours. I've got some time." Her professor had a very charming and welcoming smile. Truth be told, she kind had a thing for her professor, which is why she chose her to come talk to in the first place. "Ok sure, thanks" they young student responded.

"We haven't really been introduced, my name is Catherine Stark. You're…..Jacqueline Kirk right?" The student gave the professor a quizzical look. "That's a pretty good memory from roll call three weeks ago" Jackie said.

"Well, you are the first famous student I've ever had! So, what can I help you with Miss Kirk? I'm guessing you're not here because you have questions about today's lecture." Catherine leaned back in her chair and studied the student in front of her.

"Um, well yeah. How did you know?" Jackie asked, slightly confused.

"Well for one you look like you're ready to go work out and secondly, you don't have your backpack or even a notebook with you."

Jackie laughed a little and then realized how ridiculous she probably did look wearing her gym clothes. "Ok, I was hoping to get your opinion on something…" she paused for a second and gave her professor a glance that looked like she was asking for permission to continue. She was granted permission by a slight head nod. "…this whole college thing is pretty new to me, I thought I could handle six classes, but I just don't know if I can. I know I still have one week left until I can drop a class without penalty, but I'm just really torn." Her professor continued to study her for what seemed like ages, finally Jackie stood up and said, "You know what Professor Stark, I'm sorry to waste your time, I should get going."

Catherine let out a small chuckle and stood up, "Wait Jacqueline, you don't need to leave. Let's talk about this for a minute. I've been told I give pretty good advice." And there it was again, that charming smile. Catherine led Jackie to a couch that was by the window.

"Why did you sign up for six classes?"

"I thought I could handle it."

"What classes are you taking?"

"Well, your class, Stats 105, English 110, Psych 106, US History, and Into to Astronomy."

"I see, that sounds like a tough load. You know, you can spread out your general ed classes so you're not taking them all at once. Which class are you thinking about dropping?"

Jackie was sitting in the far end of the couch with her leg shaking, nervously glancing around. Suddenly she felt a hand on her knee and the shaking stopped.

"Nervous habit?" Catherine asked. Instantly Jackie felt like she was on fire and could barely respond with a simple yes.

"Why are you so nervous?"

"Never mind, um, it's nothing."

"Don't believe everything you hear, Jacqueline. So, which class are you thinking about dropping?"

"Well, honestly yours." Jackie could have sworn she saw a hint of sadness in the professor's eyes, but only for a second and it was gone.

"If you're worried about the homework in that class, it's not nearly as hard as you think it's going to be. And I can help you if you need be. I would really hate to see you drop the class." Catherine slid a little closer to Jackie and the warm feeling came back to Jackie. "You've got potential, I would hate to see you waste it."

"Ok, um, thanks and please, just call me Jackie." She was about to stand up when she felt a Catherine's hand on top of her's and another hand on the back of her neck pulling her closer.

"Ok….Jackie" Catherine whispered as she leaned in and softly kissed the younger student. The kiss was over almost as soon as it started. Jackie was in frozen in place and couldn't take her eyes off of Catherine who leaned back just enough to look at her. "Are you ok?" Catherine quietly asked. Jackie's heart was racing a thousand miles an hour and slowly nodded.

"Can I kiss you again?"

Jackie nodded again and felt Catherine's lips covered hers. It didn't take long until she felt Catherine's tongue press against her lips asking for permission to enter. She hesitated for a second before granting access. So many thoughts and emotions were running through Jackie's head. She knew if she didn't leave soon, she wouldn't have the power to say no the beautiful woman next to her. She put her hand on Catherine's arm and quickly stood up saying, "I'm sorry, I think I need to leave." Before Catherine could say anything, Jackie was out the door.

It took all of Jackie's control not to sprint to the gym. She needed a distraction from what just happened and she was hoping that the gym would provide that distraction. Jackie loved to run, so after a quick stretch and warm up she decided to hit up the indoor track that was in the gym. She loved it because not too many people used it and it was always cool inside. Typically she would listen to her workout playlist, but this time she just hit shuffle on her iPod and started running. After about 30 minutes of running a song came on that was she certain she'd heard before, but it sounded so different and so much more intense now.

_I wanna watch you undress  
I wanna watch you glow  
Let your hair down  
All around, cover us both  
You come in a wave  
We crash and we roll  
You surround me, pull me, drown me, swallow me whole_

_You turn, turn, turn, turning me on__  
Know that it's wrong__  
Still I run, run, run, run right into you__  
Yeah, I run, run, run, run right into you_

This song stopped her dead in her tracks, she was absorbing every word like it was brand new information. The indoor track overlooked the basketball courts and as she stood there listening to the words, her mind wondered back to her professors office. She could still feel those lips pressed against hers and she could still taste the older woman's tongue. Involuntarily, she licked her lips as she thought about the encounter. In just a matter of minutes her professor had turned her world upside down.

_You pull me in close__  
You buckle my knees__  
I shake and I shiver just to feel you breathe__  
You trace my lines  
Stirring my soul__  
Shoot sparks at the heart of the world and I watch it explode_

She would be lying if she said she wished she wasn't back in that office in the arms of Catherine Stark. But she knew that it just couldn't happen. She couldn't be with a professor. What would happen if anyone found out? She wouldn't allow that to happen. She was so lost in her train of thought that she didn't even notice anyone standing next to her. Jackie just about had a heart attack when she saw the woman who was just previously occupying her thoughts.

"Sorry Jackie, I didn't mean to startle you. I was just over there on one of the bikes and I saw you standing over here. I hope what happened earlier didn't upset you. I truly hope I didn't scare you away."

"I think one of us needs to be scared, otherwise someone is going to get hurt." Jackie tried to say as matter of fact as she could.

Catherine looked around, thankfully there weren't too many students around them. "I would really like to continue this discussion, would you consider coming back to my place so we could talk in private?"

"I really don't think that's a good idea."

"I'm going to email you my address, and I'll leave it up to you Jackie. I really would like to talk about this." She paused and looked Jackie deep in the eyes almost pleading with her.

"I'll think about it." Jackie replied and walked towards the ladies locker room. After splashing some cold water on her face and getting her water bottle from her locker she decided to head back to her dorm room. She was kicking herself for not bringing a change of clothes and now she had to walk back in sweaty gym clothes. On her walk back to her dorm she thought about what Catherine had said. Jackie had heard rumors about this teacher sleeping with other students. She certainly didn't want to be another notch on her belt, but she also felt a very strong connection to this woman and couldn't bear the thought of not being with her. When she made it back to her dorm she checked her email. Just as promised there was an email from her professor with her address as well as her cell number. She picked up her phone and starting typing a text, 'pick me up in 30 min' before she could think twice she hit send and went and hopped in the shower.

Lyrics from that song she heard earlier continued to play in her head:

_You turn, turn, turn, turning me on__  
Like a slow fire burn __  
Know that it's wrong__  
Still I run, run, run, run right into you__  
Yeah, I run, run, run, run right into you_

I'm amazing when you're beside me  
I am so much more

And I feel your fingers  
Pound like thunder  
I am so much more  
So much more

After a fast shower and deciding what to wear she was went out to the front of the dorm where she saw Catherine waiting for her. She quietly climbed in the front seat and cautiously looked at Catherine. "Thank you for agreeing to see me." Jackie just smiled as they drove the rest of the way in silence.

Once getting inside of Catherine's house, Jackie was introduced to Ethan. Catherine led the way to the living room and asked if she would like a drink. "I'll have whatever you're having, thanks." Jackie said as sat on the couch petting Ethan. Catherine brought over two glasses and handed one to Jackie as she sat down next to her. After sitting together for a couple minutes Catherine noticed Jackie's leg start to bounce up and down again, much like it did earlier in her office. Once again, she put her hand on Jackie's knee. "I get it, you're nervous, but I wish you would try to relax a bit. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't know that. What if someone finds out? I'm pretty sure the school has a 'no sleeping with student's' policy."

"You're right, the school does have that policy and I can't guarantee that no one will find out. But…." She paused for a moment to brush some hair out of Jackie's face, "…we can figure it all out." Catherine noticed Jackie start to relax, but just a bit. "What? Is something else bothering you?"

Normally Jackie wasn't a blunt kind of person, maybe it was a bit of the alcohol talking, but she blurted out, "I think I could really like you Catherine, and I've heard the rumors about you. I don't want to be another conquest to you. I'm not that kind of a person."

Catherine slowly smiled and placed her hand on top of Jackie's. "I think I could really like you too. And those rumors you heard? Yes, I have slept with a couple students, but it was never just some one night thing. Those all ended when it had run its course. Please believe that."

Jackie intertwined their fingers together and looked at the woman sitting next to her as if she was trying to search her soul. She gazed at the woman until the only words she could say were, "kiss me."

**A/N: The song is called Run by Matt Nathanson. I definitely recommend checking it out. I originally didn't plan on this one being so long, but I just didn't know how to make it shorter and still have the song in there. As always, let me know what you think. I apologize for any grammatical mistakes. **


	3. No Sunshine

A/N: As always, I don't own anything. I heard this song the other day and immediately thought of this movie. So here's the next chapter :)

* * *

Catherine waited until she saw the word 'boarding' listed next to Jackie's flight before she left the airport. She hated this part. The part where she takes the person she loves to the airport and has to say goodbye, even if it is only for a short time. Luckily, Jackie was only going to be gone for about two weeks, but that thought wasn't comforting at the moment. The two loved spending time together and any time apart was always hard. Jackie had to fly back to L.A to do a couple interviews for the release of her Neptune DVD, she was hesitant at first, but her manager convinced her. Catherine didn't say much, just that she would miss her. She wanted to be supportive of her girlfriend. After their first big fight when Jackie took the movie role, they tried their best to communicate everything, even if it meant being brutally honest. Neither of them wanted another fight like the one they had early in their relationship. They had many long nights of talking about anything and everything, nights where Catherine ended up in tears because she was worried about Jackie leaving for L.A and never coming back. Nights where Jackie ended up in tears because she felt that Catherine just didn't understand the part of herself that she always left in L.A. But they always managed to work through it all and come through it stronger than ever. As Catherine started to drive away from the airport and head home, she decided to turn the radio on.

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone _

_It's not warm when she's away _

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone _

_She always gone too long anytime she goes away_

_Wonder this time where she's gone _

_Wonder if she's gone to stay _

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone _

_This house just ain't no home anytime she goes away_

Hey, I oughta leave the young thing alone

_But ain't no sunshine when she's gone _

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone _

_Only darkness everyday  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone _

_This house just ain't no home _

_Anytime she goes away  
_

She thought about all the times the two of them would be snuggled on the couch, sitting in comfortable silence. They both loved to read and would sit for hours just sipping wine and reading. Ethan had taken to Jackie right away and even he got a little sad when Jackie would leave. Catherine laughed a bit at the line, '_Hey, I oughta leave the young thing alone.' _From the first time she saw Jackie in Professor Hect's office, she knew that she wanted to be with her. At first, she figured it would be just like everyone else, but after their first night together, she knew that Jackie was so different from anyone else she had ever been with. Which is why she knew that she would risk anything, including her job, to be with her. Jackie would only be gone a couple weeks, and Catherine knew that they could Skype, text and chat every day. She certainly had plenty of things to keep her busy. She was teaching a new class in the fall and she need desperately to work on her syllabus and course guide since the new semester was starting in less than a month. Before she would know it, she would be making the drive back to the airport and Jackie would fly into her arms and things would go back to normal, for a while anyway.

About half way back home it started to rain. "Ain't no sunshine sure is right" Catherine said as she turned on her windshield wipers

* * *

Let me know what you think! Your comments and thoughts are always well appreciated!


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